Break Up Remorse

We live in times where couples are advised to be proactive in maintaining separate identities while becoming one love. Transitioning from a single life to a relationship is not done with sketched out details. You just fall. Well, maybe not quickly, but attachment happens so gradually you do not realize how deeply in love you are until a break up happens.

At best, the details will be like notes of a public speaker who finds the atmosphere of the hall or vibe from the crowd demands a slight change in how to give the message. Taking it one day at a time (or one date at a time) is like jotting notes for a lesson in how to give love to your new love.

Fine tuning a relationship to screen for common values about love and respect can be discussed, but it is the equivalent of asking a person, “What will you do in a crisis situation?” The best answer is, “I will not know until it happens.”

Over a romantic dinner, people can talk a good game about love, respect, and commitment in a relationship, but only time will reveal if these values are in the heart.

In love, what is no big deal to one person can be a big issue to the other person. An offense may include something like being called cheap when you are the one who foots the bill on every date or help with emergency money matters. Or perhaps you are offended and consider it a jealousy or a control issue when made aware your outgoing ways are considered flirting.

Whatever the offense in love, what matters most is what happens once the offense or discomfort is made known. If a man or woman cannot, or refuses to, distinguish the difference between what is involuntary (actions which they cannot control) and what is voluntary (actions which they can control), they may lose what has been a good thing up until the offense.

Countless men and women stand their ground on matters that, if they were to change, would only make the relationship stronger. So many look back knowing the victory they gained standing their ground was not worth the love they lost.