The Other ‘C’ Word

Control. What is so uncomfortable about control it makes a person decide to end a relationship? Could it be the gentle demands of monogamy might be confused with illicit control? In the law of love, respect seeks reciprocity.

For example, if a person demands time to be heard, refuses to take time to listen; and then, insists the other person stop trying to be heard, that is a serious violation and illicit control as it relates to laws of true love.

Even the label “insecure” has been applied to a mate who inquires about a change in schedule or behavior. The familiar counterpoint of trust would be a valid response had it not been for cases where suspicions of cheating were proven true. However, just because a person asks questions about a change in schedule or behavior, does not mean there is suspicion of cheating.

Surely, certain careers have aspects requiring blind trust because travel and time away may be part of the job. Business demands include a network of male and female associations. Now comes the challenge of working to build or maintain trust.

How much value is given a relationship? What factors determine whether a mate is worth time and effort of building trust? It is possible a person who does not believe it is necessary to work to build trust will (most likely) be the one spewing accusations of control.

In this case, resentment and frustration take root in both people. Why? The reason is the accuser of control will resent attempts to be enrolled in discussion and the one being accused of control will become frustrated for being shut down.

This creates a change of view about the relationship because new questions arise to assess whether it is worth “heart work” to reach an understanding and save the relationship.

If the person is not considered worth the time and effort of heart work, it will take little effort to keep options open to start a new relationship with someone else.